1
00:00:03,569 --> 00:00:05,703
[♪]
2
00:01:19,812 --> 00:01:20,845
Hi, peg.
3
00:01:22,114 --> 00:01:24,282
Gee, you must have
misunderstood me this morning.
4
00:01:24,283 --> 00:01:26,918
I said you should buy
a vegetable.
5
00:01:28,254 --> 00:01:31,056
Gee, and guess I must have
misunderstood you last night
6
00:01:31,057 --> 00:01:32,991
When you said: "brace yourself.
7
00:01:32,992 --> 00:01:34,826
This time
it's gonna be good."
8
00:01:36,595 --> 00:01:37,695
Any mail?
9
00:01:37,696 --> 00:01:39,231
Oh, yeah.
10
00:01:39,232 --> 00:01:40,732
Something did come today.
11
00:01:40,733 --> 00:01:42,801
Let's see,
what did it say, uh...
12
00:01:42,802 --> 00:01:46,104
"open immediately. Urgent.
Do not delay."
13
00:01:46,105 --> 00:01:47,939
Something like that.
14
00:01:47,940 --> 00:01:50,241
Gee, where could it be?
15
00:01:50,242 --> 00:01:52,043
Oh.
16
00:01:52,044 --> 00:01:53,111
Here it is.
17
00:01:54,780 --> 00:01:56,347
Oh, good.
18
00:01:58,383 --> 00:02:01,019
Those ashes from sharper image
I ordered came.
19
00:02:02,388 --> 00:02:04,289
Hey, this is from
polk high school.
20
00:02:04,290 --> 00:02:07,025
What could they be writing to me
about after all these years?
21
00:02:07,026 --> 00:02:09,093
Well, maybe they've retired
your stall
22
00:02:09,094 --> 00:02:11,062
In the boy's bathroom.
23
00:02:14,900 --> 00:02:16,501
Hot diggety, dog diggety,
24
00:02:16,502 --> 00:02:18,536
Boom! What you do to me.
25
00:02:21,840 --> 00:02:23,608
Hey, look!
26
00:02:23,609 --> 00:02:26,844
They want me to introduce
the football team's m.V.P.
27
00:02:26,845 --> 00:02:29,581
At the homecoming dance,
Friday night.
28
00:02:29,582 --> 00:02:32,484
"we're seeking one of the great
football heroes
29
00:02:32,485 --> 00:02:34,051
"of the chicago-land area.
30
00:02:34,052 --> 00:02:36,354
"that's why we've asked you,
31
00:02:36,355 --> 00:02:38,055
Mr. Gale sayers..."
32
00:02:39,692 --> 00:02:40,958
No, that's crossed out.
33
00:02:40,959 --> 00:02:42,894
"mr. Jim mcmahon."
crossed out.
34
00:02:42,895 --> 00:02:45,630
"mr. Walter payton,
mr. Mike singletary,
35
00:02:45,631 --> 00:02:47,465
Mr. Abe vigoda"?
36
00:02:49,168 --> 00:02:50,635
All crossed out.
37
00:02:50,636 --> 00:02:51,969
Ah, here we go.
38
00:02:51,970 --> 00:02:54,773
"mr. Alf...Bundy."
39
00:02:56,108 --> 00:02:58,242
They still remember.
40
00:02:58,243 --> 00:03:01,179
Oh, alf.
41
00:03:01,180 --> 00:03:03,481
Yup. And I'll bet they'll wanna
hear a little speech.
42
00:03:03,482 --> 00:03:05,817
You know, I've got much to say
to america's youth.
43
00:03:05,818 --> 00:03:07,819
If I just help
one kid not marry,
44
00:03:07,820 --> 00:03:09,687
My job is done.
45
00:03:14,627 --> 00:03:16,728
Woof, woof, woof!
46
00:03:16,729 --> 00:03:18,463
[boys howling]
47
00:03:18,464 --> 00:03:20,264
Did you hear that?
48
00:03:20,265 --> 00:03:23,567
You'd think a science teacher
would have more dignity.
49
00:03:25,337 --> 00:03:27,038
So, gnome.
50
00:03:27,039 --> 00:03:29,007
Everyone's gonna be
at the homecoming dance.
51
00:03:29,008 --> 00:03:30,241
Where you gonna be?
52
00:03:30,242 --> 00:03:32,510
Hey, I'll be there...
With a date.
53
00:03:32,511 --> 00:03:34,378
Oh, who's gonna be
the girl this year,
54
00:03:34,379 --> 00:03:36,414
You or joey?
55
00:03:38,150 --> 00:03:41,652
Ho-ho,
one over easy.
56
00:03:41,653 --> 00:03:44,956
I got me a hot date.
Heather mccoy.
57
00:03:44,957 --> 00:03:46,191
Heather mccoy?
58
00:03:46,192 --> 00:03:48,559
The one you were in love with
in sixth grade?
59
00:03:48,560 --> 00:03:50,128
The one who took you
skinny dipping,
60
00:03:50,129 --> 00:03:53,431
Stole your clothes, then ran
your underwear up a flagpole?
61
00:03:53,432 --> 00:03:54,966
Yup.
62
00:03:54,967 --> 00:03:57,601
Bud, why don't you just go out
with somebody who likes you?
63
00:03:57,602 --> 00:03:58,869
Oh, I'm sorry.
64
00:03:58,870 --> 00:04:00,905
Buck has outgrown
his party dress.
65
00:04:03,175 --> 00:04:05,944
Good one,
human trampoline.
66
00:04:08,513 --> 00:04:11,182
As it happens, heather's
quite taken with me.
67
00:04:11,183 --> 00:04:13,985
Why would someone as popular
as heather mccoy
68
00:04:13,986 --> 00:04:16,888
Wanna go out with someone
as popular as eye-snot?
69
00:04:18,357 --> 00:04:19,624
[giggling]
70
00:04:19,625 --> 00:04:21,392
Hush, hush,
sweet harlot.
71
00:04:21,393 --> 00:04:22,961
Here she comes.
72
00:04:22,962 --> 00:04:25,529
Hi, bud. Are we still on
for the dance, Friday?
73
00:04:25,530 --> 00:04:27,565
I shall drink in
your beauty,
74
00:04:27,566 --> 00:04:30,234
As the bee does the nectar
of the flower.
75
00:04:31,870 --> 00:04:33,571
Isn't he a dream?
76
00:04:40,479 --> 00:04:42,547
How did you do that?
77
00:04:42,548 --> 00:04:44,348
Research.
78
00:04:44,349 --> 00:04:47,384
I've been studying her
since the sixth grade...
79
00:04:47,385 --> 00:04:49,219
Plotting, planning,
80
00:04:49,220 --> 00:04:51,789
Cataloging her likes
and dislikes.
81
00:04:51,790 --> 00:04:54,692
And now, the time
is right to strike,
82
00:04:54,693 --> 00:04:58,062
For I'm at the zenith
of my studliness.
83
00:05:00,699 --> 00:05:04,335
Five long years and now,
finally, she's mine.
84
00:05:04,336 --> 00:05:06,071
You still love her, huh?
85
00:05:06,072 --> 00:05:07,071
Nope.
86
00:05:07,072 --> 00:05:09,641
I'm after revenge, baby.
87
00:05:11,276 --> 00:05:14,245
Sweet, pure,
uncut revenge.
88
00:05:14,246 --> 00:05:16,947
Why bother? I mean,
that was five years ago.
89
00:05:16,948 --> 00:05:19,150
Nobody remembers your underwear
up on a flagpole.
90
00:05:19,151 --> 00:05:22,120
I pledge allegiance
91
00:05:22,121 --> 00:05:24,122
To the underwear of
92
00:05:24,123 --> 00:05:27,759
The united shorts
of bud bundy.
93
00:05:32,631 --> 00:05:37,335
Yeah, no one but the 75 kids
who do that to me every day.
94
00:05:37,336 --> 00:05:39,703
That's why I'm gonna
get heather mccoy.
95
00:05:39,704 --> 00:05:41,539
Phase one
is now completed.
96
00:05:41,540 --> 00:05:42,840
What's phase two,
97
00:05:42,841 --> 00:05:46,377
You touch her on the knee
and then start to cry?
98
00:05:46,378 --> 00:05:47,911
Not quite,
99
00:05:47,912 --> 00:05:51,482
O-she-whose-head-
can-never-be-seen-in-a-car.
100
00:05:57,856 --> 00:06:00,057
Phase two comes Friday.
101
00:06:00,058 --> 00:06:02,693
We dance,
she's looking up at me
102
00:06:02,694 --> 00:06:05,462
Engulfed in the cool
that is I.
103
00:06:05,463 --> 00:06:08,867
And then, at 10 o'clock sharp,
104
00:06:08,868 --> 00:06:10,668
I dance her over
to the big floor vent,
105
00:06:10,669 --> 00:06:13,337
Which, by Friday,
will be set on a timer.
106
00:06:13,338 --> 00:06:14,972
And at precisely 10:00,
107
00:06:14,973 --> 00:06:17,374
An industrial fan
whooshes through the vent
108
00:06:17,375 --> 00:06:19,343
Like dad on a bologna bender,
109
00:06:19,344 --> 00:06:22,580
And blows her dress up.
110
00:06:22,581 --> 00:06:25,049
And the world
will see her underwear!
111
00:06:25,050 --> 00:06:26,851
Revenge! Revenge!
112
00:06:28,987 --> 00:06:30,421
Man [on tv]:
Tonight at 8:00,
113
00:06:30,422 --> 00:06:32,657
What's black and white
and funny all over?
114
00:06:32,658 --> 00:06:34,592
Gary coleman
and ned beatty are:
115
00:06:34,593 --> 00:06:36,160
Ethan and the jackal.
116
00:06:36,161 --> 00:06:40,130
Two wrongly-fired
harvard professors
117
00:06:40,131 --> 00:06:42,433
Who love the classics
and hate crime.
118
00:06:42,434 --> 00:06:44,969
Come, watch us now.
119
00:06:44,970 --> 00:06:45,970
Whoa.
120
00:06:50,575 --> 00:06:52,209
Hi, peggy.
121
00:06:52,210 --> 00:06:54,478
Gee, you know,
I was thinking.
122
00:06:54,479 --> 00:06:57,915
Maybe I ought to take a picture
of your behind.
123
00:06:57,916 --> 00:07:00,217
Then, that way,
if the couch was ever stolen,
124
00:07:00,218 --> 00:07:01,719
The police could match
the prints
125
00:07:01,720 --> 00:07:04,122
With at least
one of the cushions.
126
00:07:07,292 --> 00:07:09,227
Oh, come on, al.
127
00:07:09,228 --> 00:07:12,296
You know you love
your honey buns.
128
00:07:12,297 --> 00:07:14,865
Remember, you used
to rub them every night
129
00:07:14,866 --> 00:07:17,335
Before you went to sleep.
130
00:07:17,336 --> 00:07:19,604
Yeah, but it's just that
I hate to go to sleep
131
00:07:19,605 --> 00:07:21,105
With the smell of feet
on my hands.
132
00:07:22,674 --> 00:07:25,743
All right, now be quiet,
let me work on my speech.
133
00:07:25,744 --> 00:07:28,112
Look, al, all they want
you to do
134
00:07:28,113 --> 00:07:30,281
Is to announce
this year's m.V.P.
135
00:07:30,282 --> 00:07:32,783
And then slink off into
the shadows of obscurity
136
00:07:32,784 --> 00:07:35,053
Where you belong.
137
00:07:35,054 --> 00:07:38,356
It's just killing ya that
someone remembers me. Isn't it?
138
00:07:38,357 --> 00:07:41,826
That someone thinks of me as
more than just a shoe salesman,
139
00:07:41,827 --> 00:07:43,528
Or the family wallet,
140
00:07:43,529 --> 00:07:46,498
Or the running joke
at the beauty parlor.
141
00:07:46,499 --> 00:07:48,232
These people want me
142
00:07:48,233 --> 00:07:50,969
'cause I'm a genuine
football hero.
143
00:07:50,970 --> 00:07:53,505
They'll probably wanna see
some mementos, too.
144
00:07:53,506 --> 00:07:55,339
Where's my old
football helmet?
145
00:07:55,340 --> 00:07:57,609
Well, judging from the shape
of your head,
146
00:07:57,610 --> 00:08:00,010
I'd say your scalp
grew over it.
147
00:08:02,013 --> 00:08:03,948
You know,
when you talk like this,
148
00:08:03,949 --> 00:08:05,383
I just wanna
get down on my knees
149
00:08:05,384 --> 00:08:08,152
And bite your ankles
like a pit bull.
150
00:08:10,756 --> 00:08:12,923
All right, peg,
let the couch have a little air
151
00:08:12,924 --> 00:08:15,125
And go get that helmet.
152
00:08:15,126 --> 00:08:17,795
And other symbols
of my heroism.
153
00:08:17,796 --> 00:08:20,097
Oh, all right.
154
00:08:20,098 --> 00:08:21,732
Nobody cares, though.
155
00:08:21,733 --> 00:08:23,333
Go, go.
156
00:08:27,139 --> 00:08:28,773
I am al bundy.
157
00:08:28,774 --> 00:08:31,142
Pause for applause.
158
00:08:34,112 --> 00:08:36,147
The ovation dies down.
159
00:08:36,148 --> 00:08:38,448
They sit.
160
00:08:38,449 --> 00:08:41,018
Dad, I need
to talk to you for a second.
161
00:08:41,019 --> 00:08:43,220
Bud, I'm working
on a speech right now.
162
00:08:43,221 --> 00:08:45,489
Dad, when you
were in school,
163
00:08:45,490 --> 00:08:47,224
Did a girl ever
do something to you,
164
00:08:47,225 --> 00:08:49,694
Something so rotten, it
actually ruined your whole life?
165
00:08:49,695 --> 00:08:52,029
Yes, and you call
that girl "mom," now.
166
00:08:58,404 --> 00:09:01,071
Well, what if she didn't
actually marry me
167
00:09:01,072 --> 00:09:02,740
But still did something
real bad?
168
00:09:02,741 --> 00:09:04,542
If you were gonna
get revenge
169
00:09:04,543 --> 00:09:06,176
That wouldn't be wrong,
would it?
170
00:09:08,180 --> 00:09:11,149
Son, let me tell you
something about revenge.
171
00:09:11,150 --> 00:09:13,918
This is something
you're going to have to learn
172
00:09:13,919 --> 00:09:17,555
Before you can truly
call yourself a man.
173
00:09:17,556 --> 00:09:19,590
Revenge...
174
00:09:20,259 --> 00:09:21,292
Is great.
175
00:09:23,195 --> 00:09:24,962
It's phenomenal.
176
00:09:24,963 --> 00:09:26,030
It's the only thing
177
00:09:26,031 --> 00:09:28,533
That separates us
from the animals.
178
00:09:28,534 --> 00:09:31,635
It's why I stay
with your mother.
179
00:09:31,636 --> 00:09:33,737
Now, son,
if you have a chance
180
00:09:33,738 --> 00:09:35,940
To get back at a girl
who's wronged you,
181
00:09:35,941 --> 00:09:37,442
Do it.
182
00:09:37,443 --> 00:09:40,211
Do it now, do it good,
do it twice.
183
00:09:42,881 --> 00:09:45,383
There'll be many women
in your life, son,
184
00:09:45,384 --> 00:09:47,485
But the one
you got revenge on
185
00:09:47,486 --> 00:09:50,488
Will always be the sweetest
of them all.
186
00:10:00,799 --> 00:10:02,566
Thanks, dad.
187
00:10:02,567 --> 00:10:04,068
Hey.
188
00:10:04,069 --> 00:10:06,937
Humiliate her for me, son.
189
00:10:10,008 --> 00:10:11,342
You got it, dad.
190
00:10:14,847 --> 00:10:16,981
Husband, father, speaker.
191
00:10:18,050 --> 00:10:19,750
How do I do it all?
192
00:10:25,223 --> 00:10:27,124
Hey, did you find any
of my football mementos
193
00:10:27,125 --> 00:10:28,359
To show the fans?
194
00:10:28,360 --> 00:10:31,162
Oh, I certainly did.
195
00:10:31,630 --> 00:10:34,331
Your athletic supporter.
196
00:10:36,301 --> 00:10:39,737
Gee. "x.S."
197
00:10:44,409 --> 00:10:48,679
Must stand for
"extra snug," huh?
198
00:10:48,680 --> 00:10:50,280
Now, honey,
would you like me to write
199
00:10:50,281 --> 00:10:52,082
"front" and "back"
on these,
200
00:10:52,083 --> 00:10:54,084
Like I do
on your underwear?
201
00:10:54,085 --> 00:10:58,389
Or do you think this
"r.I.P." says it all?
202
00:10:58,390 --> 00:11:01,558
Well, as long as we're writing
on each other's underwear,
203
00:11:01,559 --> 00:11:03,060
Why don't you pass me
a pair of yours
204
00:11:03,061 --> 00:11:07,698
So I can draw
the skull and crossbones.
205
00:11:07,699 --> 00:11:09,066
[doorbell rings]
206
00:11:09,067 --> 00:11:10,601
Get that, will ya,
sweetheart?
207
00:11:10,602 --> 00:11:11,869
Uh-huh.
208
00:11:14,906 --> 00:11:16,206
Hi.
209
00:11:16,207 --> 00:11:18,275
Hope I'm not
interrupting anything.
210
00:11:18,276 --> 00:11:20,478
I just wanted you to know
I'm holding up well
211
00:11:20,479 --> 00:11:22,680
After being deserted
by my husband.
212
00:11:22,681 --> 00:11:24,348
What was his name?
Oh, yes.
213
00:11:24,349 --> 00:11:25,883
Doody-face.
214
00:11:25,884 --> 00:11:28,585
Anyway, I know
you're concerned
215
00:11:28,586 --> 00:11:30,588
Despite the fact
that you haven't called,
216
00:11:30,589 --> 00:11:31,589
Or stopped by,
217
00:11:31,590 --> 00:11:32,890
Or even veered
to the left
218
00:11:32,891 --> 00:11:35,225
When I was lying
in your driveway.
219
00:11:37,062 --> 00:11:39,130
Well, marcie, it's not
that we don't care.
220
00:11:39,131 --> 00:11:42,700
It's just that the mcnuggets
were getting cold.
221
00:11:42,701 --> 00:11:45,336
Oh. Well.
222
00:11:45,337 --> 00:11:47,371
No one could expect you
to care about a friend
223
00:11:47,372 --> 00:11:51,509
When you've got a greasy bag
of fried vittles a-coolin'.
224
00:11:51,510 --> 00:11:56,280
But, to answer the question:
"how's she doin' now?"
225
00:11:56,281 --> 00:12:00,417
The answer is:
"she's doin' fine."
226
00:12:00,418 --> 00:12:02,253
The crisis is over.
227
00:12:02,254 --> 00:12:04,655
No more sitting at home for me.
Uh-uh.
228
00:12:04,656 --> 00:12:07,925
I'm gonna go out there
and grab me a pocketful of life.
229
00:12:07,926 --> 00:12:09,927
I'm gonna go,
I'm gonna do,
230
00:12:09,928 --> 00:12:11,695
I'm gonna experience everything
231
00:12:11,696 --> 00:12:14,431
This bowl of cherries
we call "life" has to offer.
232
00:12:14,432 --> 00:12:15,532
So watch out, world!
233
00:12:15,533 --> 00:12:17,567
Here comes marcie rhoades!
234
00:12:24,343 --> 00:12:27,278
So whatcha doin'?
235
00:12:27,279 --> 00:12:28,779
I'm trying
to write a speech
236
00:12:28,780 --> 00:12:30,981
For the homecoming dance
tomorrow night.
237
00:12:30,982 --> 00:12:32,683
Oh! Can I go?
238
00:12:32,684 --> 00:12:35,086
I'm so alone.
Please?
239
00:12:35,087 --> 00:12:37,121
Just some sort
of human contact.
240
00:12:37,122 --> 00:12:38,622
A voice
other than my own.
241
00:12:38,623 --> 00:12:40,491
Oh, please, god,
throw a dog a bone.
242
00:12:42,327 --> 00:12:45,596
Oh, al, my heart
goes out to her.
243
00:12:45,597 --> 00:12:47,497
We should let
marcie come.
244
00:12:47,498 --> 00:12:50,501
She can buy gas
and dinner afterwards.
245
00:12:52,370 --> 00:12:53,838
Oh, all right.
246
00:12:53,839 --> 00:12:55,306
Look, as long
as I've got ya here,
247
00:12:55,307 --> 00:12:56,573
Let me try something out on ya.
248
00:12:56,574 --> 00:12:59,810
Now, in my speech,
I'm using a visual aid
249
00:12:59,811 --> 00:13:03,347
To point out to the students
the pitfalls in life.
250
00:13:04,382 --> 00:13:05,916
This...
251
00:13:05,917 --> 00:13:09,186
Is your brain.
252
00:13:12,991 --> 00:13:15,559
This is your brain...
253
00:13:15,560 --> 00:13:17,494
On marriage.
254
00:13:17,495 --> 00:13:18,662
[splat]
255
00:13:26,371 --> 00:13:28,139
Any questions?
256
00:13:29,908 --> 00:13:31,375
[lively music playing]
257
00:13:34,646 --> 00:13:36,780
But to answer
the question:
258
00:13:36,781 --> 00:13:38,482
"how's she doing now?"
259
00:13:38,483 --> 00:13:43,287
The answer is:
"she's doing fine."
260
00:13:46,124 --> 00:13:47,525
Students.
261
00:13:47,526 --> 00:13:49,393
Students...
262
00:13:49,394 --> 00:13:51,762
And fellow homecoming-ers.
263
00:13:51,763 --> 00:13:55,265
I'd like to introduce
our guest speaker.
264
00:13:55,266 --> 00:13:58,335
I was hoping to introduce
someone famous
265
00:13:58,336 --> 00:14:01,172
Or even interesting.
266
00:14:01,173 --> 00:14:04,709
Instead, I give you al bundy,
267
00:14:04,710 --> 00:14:10,114
Polk high's most valuable player
of 1966.
268
00:14:10,115 --> 00:14:11,415
Mr. Bundy?
269
00:14:21,159 --> 00:14:23,127
Thank you.
270
00:14:27,132 --> 00:14:29,400
This...
271
00:14:29,401 --> 00:14:31,601
Is your brain.
272
00:14:33,605 --> 00:14:35,606
Here we are,
my dear.
273
00:14:35,607 --> 00:14:38,075
May I say,
that's a lovely dress.
274
00:14:38,076 --> 00:14:40,143
So light and airy.
275
00:14:40,144 --> 00:14:42,413
Well, you should get
a picture of me in it.
276
00:14:42,414 --> 00:14:43,414
Oh, I will.
277
00:14:43,415 --> 00:14:45,549
I already
bought the frame.
278
00:14:52,691 --> 00:14:55,058
Kelly, thanks for coming
to the dance with me.
279
00:14:55,059 --> 00:14:56,560
Why wouldn't I?
280
00:14:56,561 --> 00:14:58,762
You're the only one
for me, jeff.
281
00:14:58,763 --> 00:14:59,796
Uh, rick.
282
00:15:01,766 --> 00:15:02,899
Right.
283
00:15:02,900 --> 00:15:04,702
Could you go get me
some punch?
284
00:15:14,212 --> 00:15:16,380
Kelly, thanks for
meeting me tonight.
285
00:15:16,381 --> 00:15:17,914
Why wouldn't I?
286
00:15:17,915 --> 00:15:19,983
You're the only one
for me, rick.
287
00:15:19,984 --> 00:15:21,818
Jeff.
288
00:15:21,819 --> 00:15:23,254
Right.
289
00:15:23,255 --> 00:15:25,556
Could you go get me
some punch?
290
00:15:27,692 --> 00:15:31,228
Sure, before you marry 'em,
all women like football.
291
00:15:31,229 --> 00:15:34,331
But as soon as you say, "I do,"
they put on 40 pounds,
292
00:15:34,332 --> 00:15:37,301
And the only hike you'll see,
is them hikin' up their pants
293
00:15:37,302 --> 00:15:39,336
Before they weld their butts
to the sofa
294
00:15:39,337 --> 00:15:42,039
For the rest
of their worthless lives.
295
00:15:46,778 --> 00:15:49,013
I work for a living.
296
00:15:50,782 --> 00:15:53,050
Could I trouble you
for a light?
297
00:16:03,495 --> 00:16:06,263
Could I trouble you
for a light?
298
00:16:10,402 --> 00:16:12,303
Thank you.
299
00:16:12,304 --> 00:16:15,739
Boom, ba-ba-boom,
ba-ba-boom, ba-ba-boom.
300
00:16:15,740 --> 00:16:16,974
Hi there.
301
00:16:16,975 --> 00:16:18,809
I'm blum.
302
00:16:18,810 --> 00:16:20,277
Electrical shop?
303
00:16:20,278 --> 00:16:24,148
What would you say to you
and me behind the bleachers?
304
00:16:25,683 --> 00:16:27,451
It would never
work out.
305
00:16:27,452 --> 00:16:29,753
There's a light
back there.
306
00:16:29,754 --> 00:16:31,555
I could see you.
307
00:16:31,556 --> 00:16:33,190
[mellow music playing]
308
00:16:34,993 --> 00:16:37,861
You know,
I'm really sorry
309
00:16:37,862 --> 00:16:40,131
About what I did to you
in the sixth grade.
310
00:16:40,132 --> 00:16:42,799
Did you do something
to me in the sixth grade?
311
00:16:42,800 --> 00:16:43,800
Yeah, you know,
312
00:16:43,801 --> 00:16:45,736
Your underwear
up the flagpole?
313
00:16:45,737 --> 00:16:47,271
Was that you?
314
00:16:47,272 --> 00:16:50,307
I'd totally forgotten.
315
00:16:50,308 --> 00:16:52,176
Anyway, I was cruel
to you.
316
00:16:52,177 --> 00:16:53,844
And I'm really sorry.
317
00:17:00,451 --> 00:17:02,519
[high-pitched voice]
excuse me.
318
00:17:06,858 --> 00:17:08,158
You're the only one
for me--
319
00:17:09,760 --> 00:17:13,030
Bud, what are you doing?
Can't you see
that I was working?
320
00:17:16,067 --> 00:17:18,802
Kel, I'm thinking about
calling it off.
321
00:17:18,803 --> 00:17:21,405
I mean, she's sorry,
and she really likes me now.
322
00:17:21,406 --> 00:17:22,640
She told me so.
323
00:17:22,641 --> 00:17:25,809
Bud, don't be a sucker
your whole life.
324
00:17:25,810 --> 00:17:27,778
Let me tell you something
about men and women:
325
00:17:27,779 --> 00:17:30,681
We're liars,
and you're all idiots.
326
00:17:32,050 --> 00:17:33,184
Watch.
327
00:17:34,352 --> 00:17:35,985
I really like you.
328
00:17:35,986 --> 00:17:37,354
Really?
329
00:17:38,956 --> 00:17:39,956
Hey, everybody!
330
00:17:39,957 --> 00:17:41,325
Kelly likes me!
331
00:17:42,093 --> 00:17:43,660
Could I have
your watch?
332
00:17:43,661 --> 00:17:46,897
Oh. Well,
it's my dad's.
333
00:17:49,000 --> 00:17:50,801
But sure.
334
00:17:50,802 --> 00:17:52,669
Wait till the guys hear.
335
00:17:52,670 --> 00:17:54,505
Hey, she likes me!
336
00:17:59,077 --> 00:18:01,278
The prostitution rests.
337
00:18:08,152 --> 00:18:09,453
So, what you're saying
338
00:18:09,454 --> 00:18:12,856
In your own little
talking-chimp kind of way,
339
00:18:12,857 --> 00:18:15,158
Is that she really
doesn't like me?
340
00:18:15,159 --> 00:18:16,826
How could she?
341
00:18:17,762 --> 00:18:19,162
You're right.
342
00:18:19,163 --> 00:18:21,131
Tonight, at 10:00,
343
00:18:21,132 --> 00:18:23,066
The curtain goes up
on heather mccoy.
344
00:18:24,735 --> 00:18:26,503
[lively music playing]
345
00:18:26,504 --> 00:18:28,171
And you wanna talk
flying wedge?
346
00:18:28,172 --> 00:18:30,574
Let's talk about
my mother-in-law.
347
00:18:30,575 --> 00:18:33,611
People overuse the phrase,
"as big as the earth,"
348
00:18:33,612 --> 00:18:36,313
But kids, try to picture
everyone you've ever known
349
00:18:36,314 --> 00:18:37,982
Under one muumuu.
350
00:18:38,984 --> 00:18:41,585
I love being single.
351
00:18:41,586 --> 00:18:44,121
I'm at peace
with myself, really.
352
00:18:44,122 --> 00:18:45,755
Oh, god.
353
00:18:49,828 --> 00:18:52,796
I'll bet you don't know
what I got in my pocket.
354
00:18:54,365 --> 00:18:56,433
The rest of your belly?
355
00:18:58,136 --> 00:18:59,136
Nope.
356
00:18:59,137 --> 00:19:01,939
The key
to the teachers' lounge.
357
00:19:01,940 --> 00:19:07,510
So what say to you, me
and a whole lotta carpet?
358
00:19:07,511 --> 00:19:10,013
While I can't say that
football is a metaphor
359
00:19:10,014 --> 00:19:12,049
For every aspect of life,
360
00:19:12,050 --> 00:19:13,851
There are
similarities.
361
00:19:14,485 --> 00:19:15,953
Oh!
362
00:19:21,226 --> 00:19:23,126
My wedding night, for example...
363
00:19:24,195 --> 00:19:26,463
[mellow music playing]
364
00:19:26,464 --> 00:19:28,531
Shoes...
365
00:19:28,532 --> 00:19:30,834
No kind of life
for a man.
366
00:19:35,906 --> 00:19:38,409
You know, I'm really glad
I came here with you tonight.
367
00:19:38,410 --> 00:19:40,877
You're so decent.
A gentleman.
368
00:19:41,879 --> 00:19:43,213
Wearing deodorant, too.
369
00:19:43,214 --> 00:19:45,181
Wanna smell?
370
00:19:45,182 --> 00:19:47,317
That's all right.
371
00:19:47,318 --> 00:19:48,786
Listen...
372
00:19:48,787 --> 00:19:50,420
Let's go someplace, okay?
373
00:19:51,189 --> 00:19:52,789
Hm...In a minute.
374
00:19:56,060 --> 00:19:57,260
I know.
375
00:19:57,261 --> 00:19:59,229
I owe you a skinny dip.
376
00:19:59,230 --> 00:20:00,830
What do you say?
377
00:20:04,969 --> 00:20:07,638
Uh, uh, "nyee-nyee."
378
00:20:09,473 --> 00:20:10,941
Let's go.
379
00:20:18,582 --> 00:20:21,485
What do I have to do
to get someone to notice me?
380
00:20:21,486 --> 00:20:23,120
[air whistling]
381
00:20:28,526 --> 00:20:30,293
[laughing]
382
00:20:33,898 --> 00:20:35,132
Now...
383
00:20:35,133 --> 00:20:36,834
The moment you've all
been waiting for.
384
00:20:36,835 --> 00:20:38,802
[music fades]
385
00:20:38,803 --> 00:20:42,773
The recount of my last game
at polk high.
386
00:20:44,075 --> 00:20:46,710
It was a frosty evening
in November.
387
00:20:46,711 --> 00:20:47,878
No, no, no, no.
388
00:20:47,879 --> 00:20:49,379
Enough.
389
00:20:49,380 --> 00:20:52,249
Hi, my name is peggy...
390
00:20:52,250 --> 00:20:53,851
Uh, smith.
391
00:20:55,220 --> 00:20:59,723
And I, like you,
can't take this anymore.
392
00:20:59,724 --> 00:21:03,894
So now, I would like
to introduce this year's m.V.P.
393
00:21:04,995 --> 00:21:06,229
[girls giggling]
394
00:21:10,468 --> 00:21:13,169
Bundy! Bundy! Bundy!
395
00:21:13,170 --> 00:21:15,972
Crowd:
Bundy! Bundy! Bundy! Bundy!
396
00:21:15,973 --> 00:21:19,375
Bundy! Bundy! Bundy! Bundy!
397
00:21:19,376 --> 00:21:21,044
Bundy! Bundy!
398
00:21:24,649 --> 00:21:26,316
Bud, you can come out now.
399
00:21:26,317 --> 00:21:27,884
I have a present for you.
400
00:21:31,989 --> 00:21:33,457
Thanks, kel.
401
00:21:33,458 --> 00:21:36,526
I can't believe
she did this to me again.
402
00:21:36,527 --> 00:21:38,261
How am I gonna
show my face in school?
403
00:21:38,262 --> 00:21:39,730
Like you always do.
404
00:21:39,731 --> 00:21:42,432
From behind a wall
of clearasil.
405
00:21:42,433 --> 00:21:44,101
Aw, gee,
thanks, sis.
406
00:21:44,102 --> 00:21:46,002
I'm so glad to know
that when I'm feeling low,
407
00:21:46,003 --> 00:21:48,638
You're always there
to make me feel like ooze.
408
00:21:48,639 --> 00:21:51,141
Oh, chill out,
ya little toadstool.
409
00:21:51,142 --> 00:21:53,010
Believe me,
tomorrow at school,
410
00:21:53,011 --> 00:21:55,078
Nobody's gonna be talking
about you.
411
00:21:55,079 --> 00:21:56,312
What do you mean?
412
00:21:56,313 --> 00:21:59,215
Just come to school early
and bring a camera.
413
00:21:59,216 --> 00:22:01,985
Trust me, heather and I had
a little chat out in the hall
414
00:22:01,986 --> 00:22:04,021
And we worked things out
like ladies.
415
00:22:17,968 --> 00:22:20,237
Buck, come here, boy.
416
00:22:20,238 --> 00:22:21,805
Come here, boy.
417
00:22:21,806 --> 00:22:23,207
[bell rings]
418
00:22:38,222 --> 00:22:40,424
[♪]